I reached a new low this month. Yesterday I found myself laying in a ER bed, covered in a thin waffled blanket, with an IV dripping into my veins. There was no panic. No stress. Just pure relief that I had at least 45 minutes to myself to close my eyes and not be bothered by any small human. I’d been sick for a few days, and after trying to simply will the illness away, it became obvious my techniques weren’t working. I surrendered, got myself to a doctor, and enjoyed uninterrupted quiet time while the drugs worked their magic. Surely this isn’t what I expected in the first month of 2016. I had big plans. Big plans for running, reading, and traveling. But that’s what this month was.
There was ignoring all the shoulds I just didn’t have the energy to do and simply focusing on what needed to be done at that moment.
There was allowing the two big kids the chance to step up. Noah routinely getting breakfast for Stella and Sophie patiently doing her hair.
There was Paul single handedly prepping Sophie’s birthday celebration.
And the very real realization that our little world didn’t need me to keep it spinning.
This month was big on driving home the meaning of surrender.
It’s a fresh new month filled with good intentions. I’m feeling a bit better. Sports schedules are slowing down. The weather is heating up. There is so much possibility held at the beginning of a new month, but I’m feeling hesitant to commit to too much right now. Instead I’m going to take it one day at a time. Make each day a little better than the one before and above all else hold on to the meaning of surrender.